Yakov Motherfucking Smirnoff

So here we are a full week in to our new reality and it still feels profoundly unreal but I’m guessing that isn’t going to change anytime soon or probably ever. There’s an infinitely looped Sam Kinison scream competing with the worst knock-off Yakov Smirnoff joke ever for full-time residency in my brain but other than that I am coping pretty well. Well, except for the three or four times I basically “woke up” during my bike ride this afternoon and wondered just where I was. But that’s me and what really matters right now is Karen.

So a quick recap of recent events: Karen has cancer. That’s it in a very nasty little nutshell.

A larger nutshell would include the following: there is a malignant growth in her right lung compressing one of her bronchial tubes. We also believe there is cancer in her liver and lymph nodes but we haven’t had the tests or biopsies to 100% confirm that at this time. We are meeting with an oncologist Tuesday November 27 and will begin mapping out our battle plan then.

Despite the fact that the planet suddenly reversed course beneath her, Karen is handling this with breathtaking grace but that’s not really surprising. As a family we are gleefully redefining the boundaries of black humor. Everyone is rattled but everyone is coping admirably. I expect that could change as this invisible threat becomes more clearly defined in the days and months ahead.

We are blessed to have so many concerned friends and family that want to hear every bit of news that we are slapping this blog up on the Internet to keep you all up to date. As much as we love hearing from all of you, a constantly ringing phone really screws up our Homeland and House Hunters Renovation viewing. I’ll be posting status updates as things develop and summarizing them in every post for easy access. These concise updates will allow you to skip right past my BFA-fueled deluded-typist ramblings to focus on whatever news there is.

In between my little blackouts while pedaling today, one thought kept crossing my mind: In Soviet Russia, you don’t get cancer, cancer gets you! It is utterly and profoundly stupid but it has a lot more truth to it than that asshat Yakov Smirnoff ever did. It feels like we are in the grip of something and we have to get away, we are hostages fighting for escape.

We are going to kick Yakov’s ass.

STATUS UPDATE

•   Biopsy has confirmed a malignant growth in the right lung. This growth is compressing a bronchial tube which causes coughing and makes breathing tougher than normal.
•      There is another lesser growth in the same lung.
• ·         A CAT scan has revealed evidence of more cancer in the liver and lymph nodes. These are not yet confirmed through biopsy or other tests.
  ·         We don’t know the type of cancer this is or where it originated.
  ·         We don’t know the stage of the cancer at this time.
  ·         Our first meeting with our oncologist is this coming Tuesday, November 27.