The Sound of One Shoe Not Falling

Another month, another oncology appointment, another unexpected all-clear from the doctor. Karen is generally pretty optimistic about these appointments but even she went in this morning with a 70% certainty that the news would be bad. Seriously, we all (Miranda joined us again) headed into this appointment expecting that the cancer was back. Karen's energy continues to ebb, she's been coughing for about a week, and she's well past the expiration date for the crizotinib's expected efficacy. And yet her labs were good to the point of excellent and her physical exam was just as stellar.

It was great news. And it was also kind of infuriating. I'm no Tom Petty fan but he had a point about the waiting being the hardest part. We all know that eventually things are going to go from bad to fucking awful and that that time is sooner and not later. So we keep steeling ourselves and bracing for the bad news. It's a cruel tease that leaves us in a state of excruciating suspension. While the One That Knocks hasn't rapped on our door yet we know that bastard is milling around on the doorstep so why won't he just fucking knock already and get it over with and stop screwing with us? Of course, none of us actually wants that knock to come because we know what the unhappy reality of that is and thinking that way plunges us into a swamp of guilt. I personally dunk myself in that guilt goo daily and it's pretty hard to wash off.

Anyway, we've gotten another happy reprieve. Karen definitively has another holiday season ahead of her and that's great. There's another appointment in a month along with another PET scan and another chance to hate ourselves for wanting something we don't want.

At least we can be happy for having something we do want. Another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, and another Festival of Pies with Karen and an intact nuclear family.